Warped Around the Edges
by Chronic Potterphile
Summary: A permanent disability resulting from an accident changes Albus Potter's life in more ways than he expects. (Albus/OFC). [WARNINGS: sexual situations, strong profanity, mental disorders, suicidal thoughts].
1. 2027

**DISCLAIMER:** Not JK Rowling. Just a huge fan! :)

* * *

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

Hello, all!

Um, so I've been on a long hiatus, and still am, kind-of, but I couldn't ignore the cotillion, could I? :D So yes, this fic is being written for the Great Hall Cotillion over at MNFF, and my chosen pairing is Albus Potter/OC (female).

Anyway, brand-new story! :)

Thanks to my lovely beta and gorgeous friend, **Soraya/babewithbrains** for being a total ninja, and also being perfect with her inputs and suggestions. :)

Also, thank you to **Nadia/majestic_ginny** for her help with the title. I have such a hard time thinking up titles these days. D:

Dear readers, this fic deals with some heavy themes. Suicide doesn't refer to actual suicide - it's suicidal thoughts, but I thought the warning counted anyway. Also, there are themes like depression involved here, so please tread carefully.

* * *

**2027**

There are lights flashing in his eyes. His eyelids are shut tight, and he's groggy and nauseous as various wandlights cast themselves at his face. Pain shoots up his head, and he squirms in displeasure.

_How did he fall like that?_ someone wonders frantically. It must be bad, the way he fell, if they're so worried for him.

Another terrified voice yells from somewhere in the background, shouting panicked orders. _Oh, Merlin. Everybody! Stop whatever you're doing. Abort the operation and call Harry! Call him now!_

Hands are gripping at his face, trying to assess him. Voices plead for him to open his eyes, but he can't. His body won't cooperate. And everything, _everything_ hurts - except for his legs.

He can't feel his legs.

* * *

He regains his consciousness in a familiar white, sterile environment. He's been here many times, he remembers, because this is a hospital, and this is where his work leads him a lot. People around him are talking in hushed voices. A softly lit lamp casts a halo of dim, orange light around the room. He can hear raindrops pattering against sloping aluminium outside the grilles on the window.

_Al? Al!_

His eyes finally open completely, only to notice his mother's face, looming uncertainly over his. Her hair is greying at the sides - below her temples, he should tell her that, but just now, he can only see her brown eyes filling up slowly with tears. He feels his heart sink. He hates seeing her cry. He hates it more than he hates the smell of the hospital, which he hates a lot. Nothing good ever happens in a hospital.

She puts a hand on his cheek, smiling and crying at the same time. Her lips quiver as she plants a kiss on his forehead. "How are you feeling?"

"Been better," he rasps.

She breaks down at that, tears and snot all making an appearance at once, streaming down her face, and he looks away because he can't take it anymore. Her hand starts to stroke his hair, fingers getting tangled in them, smoothing them out slowly. And then he realises something.

He still can't feel his legs.

* * *

"There's a potion we're administering, and that can be continued after he is discharged. It should help."

The Healer doesn't sound very confident. Albus doesn't open his eyes or pretend he can hear, because he needs the truth right now - not sympathy. So he stays in the same position, unmoving, and listening carefully. It's hard, because the hospital gown itches and he needs to scratch fucking badly.

"How much will it help?" Harry asks in a low voice.

The Healer pauses a moment, before replying. "Studies show that it can cure paralysis almost completely with very few deficits."

"Almost."

"I'm afraid so. There will still be weakness." Albus can hear robes rustle as the Healer shifts about. "I don't think he can ever completely revert to what he was. I'm sorry."

"He's just _twenty-one,_ Ernie."

Ernie sighs. "I'm sorry, Harry, I really am. But this potion - it will help. It has its side effects but in a few short years-"

_"Years?"_

"Two years, at least. It's a difficult injury to heal. I'm sorry."

Ernie is very sorry. Albus gets it. But he kind of wishes that Ernie could also give them some good news. Albus drifts off after that, hoping to anyone who's listening, that this is all just a nightmare. None of it seems real anyway. He, Albus Potter, hasn't just been declared a paraplegic and disabled in every way that matters. He will not accept it.

* * *

The potions make him loopy.

There are several of them - most to fight away infection, some for pain, and one particularly awful drug that absolutely scrambles his brain and rubbishes all his thoughts by making him feel fuzzy. He can't see, hear or speak properly when he's taken the potion. Unfortunately, that one is the most important. It's the one with the promise to revert his spinal cord to normal and cure him of paralysis within the next few years.

He hates it. He doesn't feel like himself when he takes it. But then he wonders if he'll ever be the same person again.

Liane sits with him most of the times - they've been married two years now, and she had just given birth to their son, Colin, two weeks before the accident. When Liane isn't around, Albus's family is always there. He's never left alone. It's almost as if they know.

They get a wheelchair made, which can read his mind and take him wherever he wants. He can also Apparate with it. _How nice,_ everyone says, appreciating wizard advancements and shite like that, but they don't know what it's like to actually need one of those. Albus bets none of them would be so amazed or happy if they were in his place.

"You're getting discharged tomorrow," says Harry, as he sits on a stool beside Albus's bed, three months after the accident. "Ginny's asking if you and Liane want her over for a few days," he pauses. "I'm a little busy with another case but you know I'll come right over whenever you need me. It's nothing the other Aurors can't handle."

Harry's face looks odd. But then again, that might be because of the fact that Albus has just taken his potion. They say that the potion will improve things but everyone's still waiting for it start working. Albus squints up at his father and watches the green of Harry's eyes bleed out and paint the rest of his face, so that he starts looking like one of those evil witches from Muggle cartoons. It looks disgusting.

"Al, are you listening?" Harry asks him as his lips expand, and green mixes with pale pink. Albus thinks he was talking about some kind of discharge. _Ew._ Suddenly, everything moves, as though Albus is in a ship during a violent storm.

Albus swallows, rolls over to the side of the bed, and vomits on his father's shoes.

* * *

Being home is bollocks. Liane is on indefinite leave from her job and she pretends she doesn't mind it, ("No, really, Al, it's okay!") but Albus knows that she does. He helps how he can, by changing the baby's nappies and feeding him for her - at least, he does his best, because he can't do much with his hands which tend to tremble uncontrollably each time he takes his potions.

On one occasion, he tries to feed Colin, the bottle of milk suddenly looks red, and he snatches it away from his baby's lips and throws it against the wall. Colin lets out a loud wail at that, and Liane hears the sound and comes rushing from the nursery. "What happened?" she asks, coming over to Albus and sweeping Colin into her arms.

"Bl-blood…" Albus stammers and he's shaking all over. "B-Bottle."

She eyes the bottle, and then she looks at Albus, the pink colour of her lips spilling onto her chin and leaking down her throat. "Oh, Al."

Albus shakes his head. "Think… t-that's bb-blood."

"It's not," she says calmly, going over and picking it up, and bringing it back to him. "See?"

Albus takes it from his hands, but the thick, red fluid inside is nauseating. He throws the bottle again. "Blood!" He's going insane. Liane is going insane. He knows it.

Liane picks up the bottle again and sighs. "Okay," she says. "I'll change it, all right?"

After that, Albus sees to it that Colin is drinking milk, and not blood.

* * *

Liane appreciates Albus every time he tries to help. He knows it's hard for her - with an infant and a disabled husband, but she does her best. Some days are bad, and Albus has panic attacks and suffers more than usual from the side-effects of his medicines. He yells at Liane, stuttering nonsense ("You're - you're a wh-whoooore!"). She puts up with it - she gives him the silent treatment for a while and she gets upset, but she puts up with it.

On the good days, Albus is able to tell her that he loves her, and they go for walks (rather, Liane walks while Albus wheels along) and have some good food. However, good day or bad, Liane tries to make sure that every day is as good as it can get.

Night time is the best because he's not loopy. He hugs her close under the covers at night, fingers brushing against bare skin, unable to fully give her what she wants. He feels terrible and can't understand what to do to make her happy, until one day, it hits him. He realises how slow his mind has become - how difficult it is for him to think, but he voices his idea to Liane that night. She smiles when she hears what he wants to do, and she tells him it's not necessary, but he slips underneath the covers, dragging himself down with his upper body, and he pulls down her pyjamas.

She gasps, fingers grasping on to the bedclothes, and he hears "Oh, Merlin," a fair few times by the time he's done, and she climaxes with a moan and a quiver. When he gets back up, her face doesn't look weird. She throws her arms around him, her small body pressing against his, and she whispers in his ear, "I love you."

* * *

He wonders if the world seems to be doing better, now that he's out of commission. He sees people walk by as he sits in the yard, and they smile and laugh, and he wonders if they've ever experienced sorrow. He goes to the city sometimes - Lily and Rose take him to Muggle London on their visits because he likes watching the hustle and bustle of the city. He sits with them and watches cars pass by, their colours bleeding into each other, but it looks pretty, and he doesn't mind. It is one of the few things about being on his meds that he doesn't mind.

* * *

There are a lot of things that Albus can't do when he's dosed up on his potions. His coordination is terrible, and he can't even hold his son most of the time. Sometimes, it's so bad that he can't remember Colin or Liane's names or who they are. On his worst days, he can't keep food down and gets nightmares when he tries to sleep. His immune system is blown to pieces. He sometimes confuses Uncle Ron with Uncle Percy. His eyes show him all sorts of false things, making it difficult for him to differentiate between reality and illusion.

Even without the medicines, when he's relatively normal, Albus is not okay. The spinal injury hasn't just limited his disabilities to not being able to walk. Things as simple as using the toilet are now great achievements for him. He gets pressure sores on his bottom that he can't feel, and they are a big deal. Once or twice, he even contracts urinary tract infections. He needs to use a spell to evacuate his bladder and bowel at regular intervals because he no longer has control over them. Sometimes, with all the haziness from the potions, he forgets the spell. Liane cleans up without complaint on most of those occasions. Sometimes, she gets angry, but she doesn't show it. It's not his fault.

He has learned to move himself from one place to another - like transfer himself from the wheelchair to the toilet seat and back, and the bed, the sofa… Essentially, he can do most things with the wheelchair for transport. His mood is bad at the best of times. He snaps at Liane a lot ("Did you do your daily spells, Al?" "Y-Yeah, I d-did, nnnot a b-b-baaaaby!"), and then he kisses her at night and apologises ("Soooorry, Lia, sh-shouldn't snap"). She understands and stays with him. For the first few months, she puts up with it all. Until she doesn't.

Albus thinks he can pinpoint the day when he became unbearable to her, but he doesn't trust his memories, so it might be fake. He's tried to tell her many times that he's sorry, that he can't help it sometimes, and he never means what he does in the daze, but she doesn't listen. And Albus isn't sure if that's made up by his mind too - that she's not listening. He just knows that ever since it happened, he's been lonelier.

It is a bright day, made extraordinarily bright to his eyes due to the potions. Albus had drawn the curtains shut in their room and shut his eyes, trying to soothe the heat on his lids with his hands. He looks up and watches Liane come in after checking on Colin and making breakfast, with a wide smile on her face, which is just made up, because she hasn't been that happy in ages.

Liane comes closer to him and sits on the bed. "What do you want to do today?"

"Nothing."

"Breakfast? You haven't had your potions yet, have you?" She probably thinks so because he didn't slur or stutter that one time. But he just got lucky.

"I h-hhaaave," Albus replies, and Liane's face falls, as she registers the slur. Suddenly, Albus hears a sound - it's an unwelcome sound, really, as it's a tinkle, of liquid spilling to the floor. Albus understands immediately what it means, and he watches as Liane's eyes swivel downwards to register the wetness on his trousers that he can't feel or control.

Albus looks down, and both of them wait for it to stop. Liane sighs. "You didn't use the spell yet, Al?" she asks, slightly reprimanding, but not really angry.

Albus feels redness creep up his cheeks. He's too out of it for most of these accidents, but today he is aware of everything. Liane pretends like it's not a big deal, as she vanishes the puddle under his wheelchair with a flick of her wand. "Come on," she says, "let's get you into new trousers."

He wheels himself to the loo and helps himself onto the lidded toilet as Liane appears with new clothes. There is silence while she pulls down his trousers. That's when Albus notices that she's brought an adult nappy with her.

"Don't… nnneed," he says, pointing weakly at the nappy, as Liane picks it up.

"You're having a bad day," she counters. "Just wear it." The colours start to mix around into her face as she speaks.

Albus blinks, waits for it to get better, and swallows. He bats away Liane's hand when it comes close to him, holding the nappy.

"Al," she says softly, "please don't do this."

"G-gooooo," he slurs. "Not a b-b-baby."

"No, but-"

"Go."

She doesn't listen to him, as she comes closer with the nappy. Albus gets angry. He's an adult. Why won't she let him be? "No!" he says, and he pushes her away so that she lands on her arse, the nappy falling out of her hand. She frowns, and he bends over and pushes her again, with more force than he thinks he has. "GO!"

He watches her jaw clench as she gets up, and her nostrils flare. "Fine," she says, "fine." And she leaves the bathroom, nappy still on the floor, while Albus watches her go. When he dresses himself and gets to the living room, he finds that Liane has already left for work.

After that, it just gets worse. Instead of putting up with Albus, Liane starts to fight back. The fights get bigger, and after some tears and screaming, Liane starts to escape for work each time he's in one of his bad moods. The distance between them increases and Albus gets lonelier and lonelier.

* * *

It all goes to hell when Albus almost kills Colin. Liane is in the kitchen and he's taken his meds. He wheels himself to his son's room, wanting a glimpse of his baby, and he stops next to the cot to see Colin sleeping serenely, curled around his stuffed Crup.

The Crup's red colour melts into Colin's skin, and Albus blinks, suddenly unsure what he came into the room for. He rubs at his eyes with the knuckles and watches Colin sleep on, before lowering the railing of the cot to watch him more clearly.

Albus's hands are trembling, and the wooden bars go down harshly, creating a big sound. The baby wakes up with a start and begins to cry. "No," Albus whispers. He knows that Liane had just fed Colin and put him to sleep, and she won't take it nicely if she knows that he's awake. She's very angry these days anyway.

Colin doesn't understand this, of course, and continues to cry. His face scrunches up, turning a deep shade of red (or is that from the Crup?) and his fists ball up, and before Albus can do anything, he's letting out full-fledged bawls and crying like he probably never has (or maybe he has cried like that before; Albus can't remember).

"Shhh," Albus says to him in a shaky voice. Colin doesn't stop. So Albus does the best he can to quieten the baby. He snatches the Crup from Colin's hands and lifts the baby, hugging him close, and pressing Colin's face into his shoulder. "Shhh," he repeats, unsure if this is the right way to do it, "shhhhh…"

There is a sound from the hallway. Colin doesn't stop crying. Instead, he's crying and coughing, the sounds muffled by Albus's shoulder. And Albus hears another sound of someone approaching the nursery.

"Al, is he -? What are you doing? NO!"

A pair of hands clutch at his wrists, but Albus refuses to let go of Colin. He's crying so hard. Colin needs to be cuddled.

"YOU'RE CRUSHING HIM! STOP!" The hands fight against Albus's hold, freeing Colin from his grip and pushing him back. The baby is very red now and is crying; Liane doesn't even give Albus a backward glance as she cradles him to her chest, holding him much more gently than Albus did. Her shoulders are shaking and she's letting out small, strange sounds. Albus thinks she's crying too.

Sure enough, when she turns around, there are tears streaming down her face. She pats Colin's back and he stops crying a little, but her eyes are narrowed at Albus. "Get out," she says, her voice barely over a whisper.

Albus squints at her. This is a nightmare - he's sure of it. Because it looks like Liane is-

"Get out!" she repeats, tears coming down in torrents as she sniffles and sobs and coughs, much like the baby in her arms. "GO!" she yells, "I don't want to see your face again!"

Albus licks his lips and leaves. He wheels himself to the bedroom and waits for the nightmare to end. It never does.

It takes him a while to realise that it was all real. And when he does, he decides that he's contributed to enough sorrows in this planet. He loves Liane, and Colin, and his family, but he needs to leave. Forever.

* * *

Liane slaps him when she sees him with a knife poised in his shaking hands, ready to slash his throat. She slaps him again and knocks the knife out of his hand. And she cries. Again. Her face is red this time, though Albus thinks it may have come from cuddling Colin.

Red Liane is angry and hurt and scared all at once. She slaps Albus many times and he smiles each time, thinking of how much Red Liane cares about him. She's so much better than Normal-Complexioned Liane. Maybe red is his lucky colour. He likes red cars anyway. And Red Liane is cute.

* * *

The next thing he knows, he's at the hospital, sitting before a Healer and a Normal-Complexioned Liane.

The Healer diagnoses Albus with severe depression. It fits. Maybe. But the diagnosis brings back Red Liane, so Albus is okay with it. He looks around at the office and hears the birds chirp as the Healer discusses treatment plans with Liane. And then, in the end, it is decided that Albus and his wife must move to another place and start a new life. Maybe it will give them a perspective on things. And maybe Albus won't try to kill himself, or Colin again. Maybe.

They find a nice place in a Muggle settlement in… a place whose name Albus keeps forgetting. It's a small, English town with an even smaller population. Everyone calls it 'A Change of Environment' and 'A Fresh Start'. Albus wonders why the town has such strange names, but he doesn't ask. He just remembers this much.

The house is big and a bit ancient, but Albus likes it. The walls are plain white, so that there are no colours to blend with each other and he's a little disappointed in that, but at least he won't puke all the time now because of the colours. There are many rooms, and Albus gets his own room (though he wishes he could share with Liane) and his room is a level below the nursery, so that there's no way he can get to Colin unless he can walk. Which he can't.

After setting up the house with everyone's help and settling in, Liane finds a job at the local hospital as a volunteer of some sort. She says she'll switch to teaching soon, but she doesn't share all her plans with Albus anymore, so he's not sure. He feels like pointing out to Liane he's still her husband, but each time he takes his medicines, it seems like a really bad idea, so he doesn't tell her anything. There is an arrangement with St Mungo's Hospital for Albus's regular visits, and he is given a monthly date when he has to Apparate to the hospital for his routines. Liane seems to relax.

Two days after Liane starts work, she realises that whatever she does, she can't leave Albus and the baby alone at home. There's no one to change the baby's nappies (except for Albus, whom she doesn't want within fifty kilometres of the child) and then there's no one to change Albus's adult nappies when he needs those. When Albus isn't drugged, he wonders why she won't divorce him because it must be fucking terrible to live with him, and he knows it. But Liane comes up with a better idea - she hires a caregiver-cum-nanny to take care of Albus and the baby when she's away. She Floos an agency in London because she doesn't want a Muggle nurse at home when Albus is out of his mind most of the time, and she interviews some people whom Albus doesn't see, because he's asleep at that time.

On the day that the caregiver is due to start her work, Liane is happy. She even smiles at Albus before leaving and lets in the caregiver, narrating a set of instructions as she exits the house. Albus is eating his breakfast when this happens, and a few minutes later, he hears someone enter the room.

When he looks up, he can see bright blue - shining out of her eyes and spreading to her small, round face. Her hair is brown and curly, reaching her waist, and she's dressed in a checked shirt and jeans. She smiles at him.

"Hello!"

That's how Albus remembers meeting Rachel.

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

Thank you for reading! Reviews would make me very happy indeed, so if you do have time, I'd love some of those. :)

**Guest review response: **

**Guest:** Haha, no, not the happiest of my stories. Really glad you like it, though. Thank you! :)


	2. 2028

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

Thank you to the lovely Soraya/xxbabewithbrainsxx for her ninja beta skills! :)

* * *

**2028**

"Al! Are you up?"

Albus feels his sleep give away as sunlight falls on his face, bright and warm. The voice that wakes him up is equally warm, and he can picture Rachel's pretty face and brown curls glinting in the light as his consciousness slowly resumes. Sure enough, he opens an eye to see Rachel bustling about the room, doing her morning chores. The daylight streams in from the open curtains, bouncing off the walls and decorating the room with gold - just as bright as the smile that Rachel gives him when she realises that he's awake. She is getting his wheelchair ready, picking out his clothes and preparing his bathwater. Albus can tell that she's fallen into a routine of sorts. It seems completely ordinary to her that she has to take care of him, and she always does it with a smile on her face and a spring in her step.

Rachel is very different from Liane. She doesn't get angry at Albus when he forgets his spells, or when he gets frustrated or depressed. Really, Rachel doesn't get angry at all. She's always considerate and nice. Whenever Albus fucks up, she knows that it's more upsetting to him than anyone else, so she consoles him. She asks him to be more careful the next time, but she doesn't yell or storm out.

Sometimes, Rachel lets Albus hold Colin when Liane isn't around. Albus feels like she understands him. Of course, in the beginning, when Liane had strictly told her not to let Colin near Albus, Rachel had obeyed her. But then she realised soon that Albus really adores his son. Albus even remembers the day that Rachel broke, and started letting him near Colin. It began as a bright day, just like today, and they were at breakfast.

**o**

"What do you want to do today, Al?" Rachel had asked him from across at table.

"C-C-Coool-C-Colinnn."

It took a long time for Albus to get his son's name out. He was having a bad day. He just wanted to hold Colin and stay in bed today, but he couldn't even touch his son, thanks to Liane.

Rachel looked sympathetic. "You know I can't do that."

"Won'-Won't hhhhurt him. Won't h-hurt."

"Al…"

"Please."

He had been begging Rachel to let him hold Colin, for days now. He saw her eyes turn soft, blue from the irises diluting and flowing over the whites like bleeding dye. But she shook her head. Albus sighed. Rachel had been his last hope, but this was it. He was never going to get to hold his son again.

He refused to eat that day. He was nauseous anyway and by evening, burning, stabbing pain was shooting up his stomach. The potions are supposed to be followed up with food, but Albus just wanted to see Colin. He wanted to spend time with his son. He didn't want to eat.

Albus was resting in the bed that evening with his eyes shut, trying to concentrate on the things that made him happy when he felt a light load land on his chest. He opened his eyes to see Colin sitting on him, supported by Rachel's hands, as the baby cooed and gave him a very gummy smile. Albus immediately wrapped his arms around his son, but was careful this time, not to hug him too hard. He ran his hands over Colin's soft, chubby cheeks and let the baby take his finger and chew on it.

Rachel had a bowl of soup sitting on the bedside table and she picked it up, spooning some liquid and blowing on it to cool it down. She brought the spoon to Albus's mouth and he accepted it, stomach growling in approval and asking for more. Colin's presence made Albus's mood so much better, he felt like he wasn't having a bad day anymore, He wasn't even irritated when he had to let go of Colin so that Rachel could put the baby down for his nap.

Before leaving for home that day, Rachel planted a kiss on Albus's cheek and told him he was a wonderful father. The kiss sent butterflies through Albus's stomach.

**o**

All the time and every single day of the week, Rachel takes care of Colin and Albus very efficiently, while Liane stays away most of the day because of work. Rachel is a professional nurse, so the kind of assistance that Albus needs with _everything_ doesn't seem a big deal to her. She does all her jobs precisely, without complaint, even though Albus isn't her husband and Colin isn't her child. Whenever Albus points this out to Liane, though, she gets angry. "Well, _you're_ not putting the food on the table, are you, Al? So let me do my job, just like Rachel is doing hers," Liane snaps, adding meanly, "And she wouldn't be this nice to you if she weren't getting paid for it."

Albus has decided not to argue with Liane because all she ever speaks these days is rubbish. She's jealous of Rachel's patience - Albus knows it. And he also knows that you don't have to be paid to love your job. Evidently, Rachel loves her job. That's why she's not a bitch like Liane is.

"Al!" Rachel calls again, breaking him out of the reverie. She has brought the wheelchair to his bed. "You want to get up?" she asks him fondly. "If you do everything quickly, we can go for a stroll outside with Colin after breakfast."

"I'm up," Albus says, smiling at her. His speech is okay because he hasn't taken his potions and his mind is relatively clear. He's also been much happier in the last few months - the Healers think that having moved away is making all the difference, but Albus knows why he is feeling better, and the reason for it all is standing right before him with a lovely smile on her face.

Meanwhile, Rachel comes forward with his potion bottles as he sits up, and she pours the first potion into a spoon. Albus groans when she hands the spoon to him, but he takes it anyway, along with the other two. He transfers himself into the wheelchair and Rachel settles him for a bath before going away to check on Colin. By the time Albus is out of his bath and ready for breakfast, the potions have begun taking effect.

It's not as if Albus's physical condition hasn't improved very much over the year. The potion is definitely working because he can now feel and move his toes, but if it keeps going at this rate, Albus wonders how he's supposed to be more or less normal within another year or two. Or maybe the potion works slowly at first and all at once as the healing process begins. He doesn't know.

Albus realises he's having a good day when he's not repulsed by breakfast. The colours are mixing about him as usual, and everything seems to be warped around the edges, but his mood is not bad. The fuzz in his head is relatively clear and he's feeling quite happy despite himself. Rachel notices this and keeps her promise by confirming that they are going for a stroll with Colin, leaving Albus overjoyed. So after Colin's bath, Rachel dresses the baby in bright, spring wear and they all step (wheel) into the fresh air together, taking in the scent of blooming flowers.

The weather outside further brightens Albus's mood. It's pleasant: not too warm, not too cold. The sky is clear and the trees are green, laden with fruits and flowers. People wave from their houses as they mow their lawns. They're not very accustomed to seeing Albus outside the house, but the whole town knows the Muggle version of his story - about how an accident while working a police case had injured him, and how Albus is confined to a wheelchair now, but will get better with physical therapy. Well, Albus gets physical therapy too, but he wishes that the Muggles could have his potion as well. It might fuck him up but at least it will give him a chance to walk again, and he wants the Muggles to have the same chance.

The stroll goes well. Albus is happy and enthusiastic, and he loves it when his mood is not a tangled mess, because it feels like he's emerging from the end of a very long, dark tunnel and like he can breathe again. He knows the depression will hit at some point - it's like an alteration, like his mind restricts him from being happy for too long, and he often can't help but give in. Today, however, is not that day, and Albus wheels himself beside Colin's pram, teaching his son all sorts of things as Rachel walks behind them quietly.

"D-Doooo you know wwwwhhat colour th-that is?" Albus asks, pointing to a rose in a lone rose bush in the courtyard of a house. They have been outside for a few minutes now and Albus can't get enough of his son. Colin is fourteen months old. He can stand and he can walk a little with support. Since Liane stays out the whole day anyway, Albus selfishly hopes that when Colin will walk for the first time, it will be into Albus's arms. That will be such a joy, and the smug bitch, Liane, might even learn a lesson.

Colin shakes his head in reply to Albus. Rachel stops his pram and stands beside them, smiling in marvel at father and son. "Well, Colin," she asks the child, "do you want Daddy to teach you?"

Colin nods. He can't speak much yet - just four or five words, but he can understand a lot of things. It's a joy to Albus's ears whenever Colin calls him 'Dada' and he always wants to hear it. Now, however, is the time to educate his son.

"R-Red," Albus replies, watching the scarlet of the petals melt into the leaves, and then the whole shrub. Everything looks red now - like spilled blood, painting every object around it, and Albus blinks it away, until the rose looks normal. He wonders how his cousin Rose is doing. She and Scorpius just came to visit last month, and it would have been fun if Liane hadn't been in a rotten mood.

Albus breaks out of his thoughts and turns to his son, the one soul on the planet who adores him without judgement. Colin is the only one who doesn't sympathise. Colin is like a piece of Albus's heart, beating outside of his body. So he cups his baby's face, looks into the wide, green eyes, and whispers, "Sssay it a-a-after me: Red!"

"Dada," says Colin, simply, and Albus smiles, picking up his son and holding him close. His hands aren't trembling, and he knows not to cuddle Colin too tight. He runs his hand through the tuft of blonde hair on Colin's head, cherishing the softness as he feels it in his palm. He can sense the slight pulsations on the top of Colin's head and he knows what it is - _the anterior fontanelle closes at eighteen months_, he has read books so he can learn how to raise Colin, and he wonders if Liane knows, if she took so much effort for their baby.

Albus's hands tremble a bit but he holds Colin closer to his chest, cherishing his baby smell and inhaling it deeply. Colin uses Albus's shoulders to support himself as he stands. Albus wishes he could feel Colin's little feet on his lap, but he just cherishes the feeling when Colin puts his little arms around Albus's neck and puts his chin on his shoulder. It is the most beautiful feeling in the whole of the universe.

"Dada," Colin says again, planting an open-mouthed kiss on Albus's cheek, and Albus thinks he could cry. However, he chuckles up at Rachel, who looks genuinely happy for him. Liane would have snatched Colin from his grip, but Rachel has faith in him - she lets him try. Faith is all that Albus needs right now. And yes, he is definitely having a good day.

* * *

The local school offers him a job. They know that Albus is well educated, and they are aware of his condition. They still want him to teach year one because they trust him.

Since the locals love Albus and want to help him, he thinks it's rude to completely decline their offer. He remembers what he had done to Colin last year, and tells the authorities that it probably isn't safe for him to be around children. They give him a supervisor after that - a nice, matronly lady called Elizabeth, who's retired recently after teaching primary school for a vast majority of her life. Elizabeth sits in the class while Albus teaches, and she helps him out too. They are friendly with each other and Albus invites her home sometimes, much to Liane's chagrin.

The teaching job keeps Albus busy and happy. Being with children throughout the day helps chase away the depression. Albus loves his kids and they adore him back. During storytelling time, he recounts his experiences as an Auror and narrates it to the children as though they're fictional stories. He tells them about his time at Hogwarts. They love it.

Rachel is also overjoyed by his improvement, and each time, she smiles at Albus's progress, it's like the sun is rising for the second time in the day. It brightens up all the corners of Albus's mind. Sometimes, he thinks he might be falling in love with her, the inner and outer beauty of her, but he doesn't tell her because he doesn't want to strain their relationship. It's good enough the way it is and he doesn't want her to go away.

Through the months, Colin grows bigger and brighter and adores his father more, just as Albus begins to regain more control of his own body. He stops needing the bowel and bladder control spells when the reflexes start acting to his convenience again. He can feel some parts of his legs now - the Healers call them dermatomes - and they say that as each nerve heals, the part that it supplies will regain sensation. The power in Albus's legs is too low, because his body has forgotten how to walk, but he's happy, even though he knows deep inside that the happiness will never last, because unfortunately, that's what life is like.

* * *

It happens one morning, just after Rachel arrives. Albus is reading the local paper, whose headlines scream out two deaths from an animal attack in their little town. It's the school's headmaster, Mr Flynn and his husband. The headmaster had gone camping out in the small woods nearby and never came back. When his husband filed a missing complaint twenty-four hours after he was due to return, the police went to look for him, but only found his battered corpse, mauled by what could only be claws. Mr Flynn's husband had gone to look for him along with the police and had unwittingly wandered off midway, only to be found dead, mauled and battered in the same way as Mr Flynn when the police found him.

Albus knew the headmaster, and he feels awfully sad when he reads the news. He hasn't taken his potions yet, but for a moment, he wonders if what he's reading is real. He squints at the writing. The black doesn't meld with white, and he definitely seems to be okay for now. Then is Mr Flynn really dead?

Rachel has readied Albus's bathwater. She comes to him with the potions and notices the expression on his face. "Hey, what's wrong?" she asks, frowning at him.

Albus hands the paper over to her. She sets aside the bottles and they clink against one another while she arranges them on the nightstand. After wiping her damp palms on the thighs of her jeans, Rachel takes the paper from him. Something glints in the morning light.

Albus tilts his head to see where the glint came from. He watches, as Rachel unfurls the newspaper, and notices the glint again - it's from a ring on Rachel's finger. A beautiful, platinum band with what looks like a diamond set in it.

Albus clears his throat. "Rachel?" God, does he love not having taken his meds. He can actually pronounce her name right.

She looks up from the paper, and her face is scrunched up in worry - probably due to the news. "Yeah, Al," she says, trying to smile.

He points at the ring. She widens her eyes, looks at it, and blushes. "Oh. I was going to tell you."

"Tell me what?"

"Well, Ricky asked me! He finally asked me to marry him, Al, and I said yes!"

Ricky is her boyfriend. Albus has seen his photos, and he doesn't think Ricky is too good-looking. Rachel is extremely pretty in his comparison, and Albus doesn't think she deserves him at all. But Rachel seems so happy - Albus can see the pink of her lips spreading to her cheeks, like scattering rose petals, soft, red and delicate. He's not on his potion yet; Rachel is so beautiful, and everything about her is fragile and gentle and amazing.

Rachel realises that Albus doesn't seem as happy as she is. "What happened?" she asks, the smile sliding away and taking away the scarlet with it. She puts the paper on the floor. "Aren't you happy?"

Albus thinks for a moment, and then smiles. He tries to look as genuine as possible. "I am, Rachel," he lies, "I am very happy for you."

* * *

The fact that he loves Rachel strikes Albus a few days after he discovers that she is engaged. He can't quite believe the agony, the bone-deep ache that the realisation brings to him. Over the last few years, Albus hasn't known much pain. Half his body can't feel and the other half - well, he was too lost being depressed to actually feel real pain. Depression was never pain for him. It was numbness, sadness and shock, all at once with the want to give up. He remembers how suffocating that used to be, how he craved to be happy again but just couldn't afford to even smile.

This ache, however, is different. This makes Albus wish he could never feel. It makes him wish he were dead.

* * *

It all comes back with a bang. The depression returns and Albus regresses to his original state - to how he was when he had just got injured. Liane notices this and Rachel gets an earful from her about how she hasn't been taking care of Albus well enough. That day, Rachel is in a bad mood, but she doesn't say anything to Albus. She just quietly does her work and takes care of Colin. While she leaves, Albus watches her wipe her eyes on her shirt sleeve and he takes an ultimate decision to eliminate all of this. He decides that he needs to free himself, and everyone else, once and for all.

* * *

Albus holds the vial in his trembling hands, as deep blue liquid swirls inside it swishing about the sides, leaving little blue droplets on the sides which slide back down, like tears falling from someone's eyes…

Like Rachel's eyes. Her eyes are blue. Just like this potion. He has seen her cry, and when she does, her eyes glisten. He remembers how, through the wetness, her irises had looked distorted, as though he was watching her through the side-effects of his medicines.

He can hear Colin wailing incessantly in the background as he puts the vial to his lips, tilting it slowly. Rachel is busy with Colin. She won't come back soon enough. And he, Albus will have his salvation. Albus's hands are trembling so hard, he can barely hold the vial without the contents tipping over. But he needs it all. Every drop. He needs to make sure. So he can't spill even a little bit. After failing all this time, he can't fail again.

And then the vial suddenly falls from his hands and shatters on the floor, but not before the potion splashes around his mouth and onto his clothes. A washcloth rubs roughly against his face and a voice cuts through Albus's foggy senses.

"What were you thinking? What the FUCK were you thinking?"

Hands are shaking his shoulders. Blue eyes are leaking tears. He thinks she just got here, but he thinks he'd been seeing her for a while. She was with Colin, wasn't she? Was she here the whole time? He's not sure if this is real.

And suddenly, just like that, arms are wrapping themselves around him. He's warm and comfortable, held close to something soft - _someone_ soft. He breathes in the smell of peaches and lets out an exhale. And then he says it.

"I love you."

She pulls away, her face wet, and brushes her hair out of her eyes. Her jaw drops just a tad. She makes a small noise of confusion. "Oh!" And then she hugs him again. "Oh, Al, oh Merlin, I'm sorry… I'm so sorry!"

* * *

"You should try and work things out with Liane."

Albus watches Rachel's earnest eyes as she sits in front of him, on an armchair, holding his hand between both of hers. Her face is so clear - even though Albus has had his potions and is going through a bad day - all of the colours are intact. She looks perfect, even when he's so broken. When his heart is shattered, into so many pieces, it might be impossible to collect them all and put them back together.

He loves Rachel so much, it fucking hurts.

"Al," Rachel says again, "are you listening to me?"

"L-Lllove… youuuu," he whispers, "ssso m-m-much."

Her lips press into a thin line and she looks down, as a strand of hair falls into her eye. Albus raises a shaky hand and pushes it back for her, while she looks up remorsefully. "I'm happy with Ricky, Al," she says. "I've waited for this all my life. And I know that you love Liane. She loves you back. You two should just give it a chance…"

Albus shakes his head and abruptly, before Rachel can react, he cups her face in his clammy hands and kisses her.

Her lips are warm and wet against his, unyielding as he tastes her lip gloss and holds her face tighter but she doesn't kiss him back. Instead, she pulls away, and Albus notes an expression of horror on her face as she swipes her wrist across her lips and gets to her feet before escaping to Colin's room.

Rachel keeps her distance from Albus for the whole day after that, and Albus realises that he might have broken something forever. And this is confirmed when she hands in her resignation to Liane that evening and leaves the house, and Albus, for good.

That is the last day that Albus sees Rachel. That is also the last day that he takes his potions. He decides that he doesn't want to walk again. He just wants to remain the way he is, the way he _was_, and fade away like the insignificant mole that he is in everybody's life. He tells the Healers that he wishes to spend the rest of his life just like this, and they try persuading otherwise but give up because, in the end, it is Albus's body and it's up to him how he would like to treat it.

The next Albus hears of Rachel, he gets to know that she is working in a house nearby. The family is Muggle and consists of a father and a son. The son has special needs and is autistic. Albus hears that Rachel is now helping the child and that she is doing well. He is equal parts happy and sad about this, but he doesn't tell Liane, who finds him more tolerable, now that he is off his meds. He decides that he likes Liane more now.

Days pass without news about Rachel. Albus and Liane fall into a routine. He goes to school in the mornings; she goes for her volunteer work in the evenings. They make enough money and someone's always there to look after Colin, who is growing up quickly. And then, one day, while having breakfast with this bittersweet family setting, the newspapers bring Albus an unpleasant surprise.

He is buttering his bread and even though it's been a while since he's taken his medicines, he is relieved that the knife isn't trembling in his hands. Liane feeds Colin a mouthful of oatmeal at his highchair, and looks back at Albus with a smile. "You want to watch a Muggle film today?" she asks him.

They haven't been out alone in a long time, but Albus licks his lips. He wants to spend time with Liane, but at the same time, he feels like he is cheating on her because he keeps thinking about Rachel. "Who will take care of Colin?" he asks his wife.

"We'll leave him with Mrs Wilton," replies Liane. Mrs Wilton is their neighbour - an old, pleasant churchgoing lady who brings home rhubarb crumble and shepherd's pie every other Sunday. Her cooking is fantastic and in many ways, she reminds Albus of Grandma Molly.

Albus nods. "Okay. What film do you want to go to?" He nibbles on his toast and picks up the newspaper to take a peek at the main articles. The first thing he sees makes him swallow the toast too soon, so that he almost chokes on it.

He begins to hack loudly, eyes watering, as Liane looks at him concernedly, holding out a glass of water for him. "What is it?" she asks, when he accepts the water gratefully and gulps it down in huge sips. In reply, Albus slides the newspaper towards her and thinks about what he has just read.

_**FATAL ATTACK AT BURKINS HOUSE**_

The article says that there has been another animal attack. The attack occurred at the house that Rachel was working in.

_The police found three bodies at the house, identified by the coroner as Mr Benjamin Burkins, his son, Brian Burkins and Brian's nanny, Miss Rachel Hamilton._

Rachel Hamilton. Albus's Rachel. She was attacked. The coroner identified her body. This can't be right, can it?

The animal - whatever it was, killed all three of them after slinking in on them while they were in the backyard, enjoying a weekend with young Brian.

_Rachel is dead,_ says a voice in Albus's head. _Rachel is dead._

This can't be. He won't accept it. Rachel is alive and well and Albus loves her so much-

_Rachel is dead._

He thinks he says it out loud because suddenly, Liane's hand is on his. He looks up at her. "It's okay," she says, "it's okay." She squeezes his palm. "I'm here, Al."

He finds a lump in his throat for the affection he doesn't deserve right now. He nods at Liane, but he knows that it is not, and will never be okay. This was no animal attack. Why would an animal get into the courtyard of a house? Why would it just kill whole, specific families? No, this isn't an animal attack. And Albus swears to himself that he will get to the bottom of this. He will find out who killed his Rachel, and then he will have his revenge.

* * *

**A/N:** Reviews? :D


	3. 2029

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

HAPPY VICTORY DAYYYYYYY!

Many thanks to my fellow Padafan and amazing beta, **xxbabewithbrainsxx/Soraya** for her supremely amazing and quick help with this fic.

Thank you, lovely mods, for this lovely, irresistible challenge. :)

* * *

**2029**

Vengeance sounds sweet. Vengeance sounds good. Vengeance seems to liberate.

Albus discovers that there is only one emotion that can make the debilitating grief disappear. It's the want for revenge. Every morning when he wakes up, the sense of loss is there and it's crippling, suffocating, but then after breakfast, he dedicates his time to trying to track down Rachel's killer, and that helps. He does it before he leaves for school. He does it at school, when his kids are in the playground, during break time. He does it at home when he's finished with work, and Colin is asleep.

He attends the funerals. Rachel's is quiet and sweet, in a small, wizarding village not far away, where she was actually from. Albus watches her catatonic fiancé and inconsolable mother with a heavy heart, as Rachel is buried. He doesn't stop the single tear that falls out of his eye, but warmth passes through him when soft fingers brush the wetness away and move down to interlace with his.

_Rachel._

He is disappointed when he looks, though. It's not Rachel. It's Liane. And Liane holds his hand through the whole service, a wall of strength next to him, encouraging him that it will be okay, that she is there for him, and Albus finds a weak shred of confidence in him. Things are changing between him and Liane, and they're changing fast. It hadn't been like this a while ago. Liane would have probably been unsympathetic about his grief. But she has changed, for some reason, probably because he's behaving better with her now.

He remembers their conversation before they left for the funeral. Liane had served Albus his favourite breakfast - bacon and eggs, and sat next to him, glancing at him time and again, while feeding Colin at his highchair. Colin is now just a little over two years old, and he's mostly the reason that Albus smiles these days. Although sometimes, it's Liane too.

As Albus had donned his black robes and emerged from his and Liane's room, Liane had been waiting outside and when she saw him, she had come forward and put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it comfortingly.

"I'm here," she had whispered.

Albus had leaned over and kissed her cheek softly, smiling at her afterwards. "I know. Thanks," he had said. And he'd wondered why everything had gone so wrong between them, and why he, Albus, hadn't worked on his and Liane's marriage.

Now that Albus is in his right mind, he strongly believes that the animosity wasn't Liane's fault. Everybody has a different tolerance level and Rachel was just more patient. There are many good things about Liane too, and like Rachel had reminded Albus time and again, Albus fell in love with Liane for a reason. They just need to untangle their mess and remember that ultimately, they are in love. And most importantly, Albus needs to keep in mind the fact that Liane is only human. She did try her best with him. And now, as Liane sits with him, her patience regained from the fact that he is himself again, not a stranger on some awful potions, Albus remembers one of the very reasons he loved her -the fact that she is very strong. But it doesn't end there. There's another, more important reason why Albus loves Liane - she is the mother of his child.

When they come home from the funeral, Liane heads straight to Colin's room, where he's playing with his new nanny. This woman is just a nanny, not a nurse. She is about Grandma Molly's age and equally kind. Albus follows Liane to Colin's room and watches as she lifts their son into their arms. "We're back!" she tells the child as he throws his arms around Liane's neck.

"Did you miss us?" Albus asks his son, walking forward. It's a stupid question, because they've only been away for a couple of hours, but Colin still looks at Albus with big eyes, and nods.

Liane laughs and dismisses the nanny. "Today," she says adoringly to Colin once the nanny has left, "You and me and Daddy are going to have some fun together. Daddy is really sad, and we're going to try and make him happy. Okay?"

"Otay!" Colin agrees enthusiastically. Albus's heart swells, although he has a guilty conscience, because it feels like he's cheating on Liane in some way by still thinking about Rachel.

* * *

When the actual grief does strike, it's as if Albus cannot have worse days. He doesn't remember feeling this bad when he was told that he was a paraplegic. He doesn't remember this from the days when his medicines didn't agree with him, or that horrible, horrible time period when Liane was cross with him for all sorts of reasons and there was no Rachel. And when he remembers those times (still better times), he realises that he should, perhaps, feel better now because he has got Liane at his side. However, there is_nothing_ to help the grief. Nothing but the harsh fire of revenge.

It takes a long, long time to find evidence of foul play in the two 'animal attacks'. Living in a Muggle town means that Albus cannot just declare himself an Auror and begin to investigate. He can't approach the police for information because the whole town knows him, and they know that he doesn't work for the (Muggle) law. So Albus begins to work discreetly. He starts small and begins to build on from there.

The first rule to investigating any serial crime is to establish a link between the victims. Albus writes down all the facts that he can discover in a small notebook, hidden from Liane, because he doesn't want her to know of his suspicions before he can confirm them. As he works, he notes that both times, entire families were attacked, with the exception of Rachel, but that's most probably because she was in the way. And obviously, all of them were Muggles, except for Rachel - again. That confirms the theory that she was just in the way. She must have had long hours at the Burkinses.

The second piece of investigation takes a lot more time than the first. After asking some seemingly innocent questions and a little bit of snooping, Albus finds out that the Mr Flynn and Mr Burkins were planning to start a small local business together. For the capital funds, both were pitching from their own pockets, and soon, they were going to establish the company and share the profits between them. No one knew about this except for a local accountant, Tim Harrison, whom they had hired for help. It's the accountant who tells Albus about this anyway, and when Albus tries to ask some sly questions the next time he's around the people close to both families, no one seems to know a thing. So Albus is pretty sure that the information is authentic.

The accountant also mentions a bank where the to-be partners had kept their funds. Albus works out a ruse to go and check if the bank vault is empty. He calls Rose, the cousin he is closest to, and tells her he needs to meet her. He tells her about Rachel's death, but not about his suspicions. They need to talk in person about that. Rose gets very serious over the Floo network and promises to make it to his home as quickly as she can. She arrives that very evening.

"Oh, Al," Rose whispers, rushing over and holding him in a tight hug the moment she enters his house. "I'm so sorry."

He pulls away and looks down. "I'm okay."

"No, you're not," Rose says, as she takes her place on the chintz sofa. "No, of course you're not! You were in love with her, Al!"

He looks up at her, raising his eyebrows. Rose pushes a curly strand of hair behind her ear and shrugs. "Not hard to guess. How long have I known you?"

For the first time in days, Albus smiles. "You're impossible."

She winks. "I know. Scorpius likes to say that a lot." She stretches out her legs a little, crosses them at the ankles, and looks around. "Where's Liane?"

"Work."

She nods. "So what is it? You didn't call me here for a Hogwarts reunion, did you? Because in that case, we're missing a lot of people."

"No," he replies. "I need your help with something." He pauses and licks his lower lip. "Rose, I think Rachel was murdered."

Once she is over the initial shock, Rose accepts all of Albus's theories about the attacks being serial murders, and she agrees with him that Rachel might have been murdered. "The probability is high," she says, "but it's also very odd - the way they all died. So how are you going to convince the police to investigate?"

"I'm not. I'm an Auror, Rosie."

"But Al, this is a Muggle town!"

"Yeah, but they just need evidence of murder. How does it matter if I'm a wizard? I'm just saying - I'll investigate, and they can do the rest once they know."

Rose nods slowly, letting a puff of air through her mouth. "All right. So what's your plan?"

* * *

The plan is foolproof. Albus decides to check the bank vault for the company funds to see if the money is still there, since he is pretty sure of the motive for murder. Complete Muggle towns don't have security against wizards, and they don't expect people to Apparate into their banks - which Rose does. She comes back a few minutes later and informs Albus that the vault, in fact, is empty. There is no sign of foul play, but that is obviously untrue.

"But how don't they know? The police? Wouldn't they check if the money is intact?" Albus wonders aloud, as he sips his tea in a small shop close to his home. Rose is nibbling on a piece of chocolate cake as she sits across him at the table. She was always the chocolate fanatic.

She licks at the chocolate cream at the corner of her mouth. "Confundus Charm? Plus, they were never suspecting a murder."

"They would have investigated a little…" Albus ponders. He takes another sip of the tea. It's pleasantly sweet, and he finds himself enjoying it.

"Well, Confundus Charm. Again," says Rose. "Maybe the killer cast it on them to make them think they'd already investigated, but they had found nothing."

"Possible, but this is a Muggle town," Albus points out to her.

"Yet, you are a wizard and I'm a witch and we're here," Rose replies in a low voice. She pauses. "What I'm saying is - it's possible there's another wizard. We should just look, you know?"

"And how will we find out?" Albus asks her. "If there is a witch or a wizard here, they will know who I am and they will also know that I'm an Auror. They're not just going to show themselves."

"Then we do it the old way," suggests Rose, shrugging her shoulders as she puts aside her empty plate and reaches for a napkin. The sun is beginning to set outside, and Albus turns around, squinting at Venus glowing in the purplish-blue sky.

"What's the old way?" he asks, lost, as he concentrates on the twinkling planet. A memory crops up in his head.

_"The Morning Star. You know, Al, I really love looking at it." Rachel's eyes glow as she gazes up adoringly, her lips stretched wide in a lovely smile._

Albus follows her line of vision and narrows his eyes at the skies above him, trying to locate Venus, but he can't. His potions are messing with his eyesight. So he just nods and decides to lie. Anything to make Rachel smile more. "It's - i-i-iiiiit is beauuuu-b-b-beautifuuuul," he manages to say.

She turns to him, still smiling. "Know why I like it?"

"Nnnnno. Wh-Whyyy?"

She clasps her hands together and kneels beside his wheelchair, before looking up again. "It's the brightest planet in the sky. You can see it first thing at dawn and first thing at dusk. It's always there - so constant, so bright and so… unlike life, you know?" Rachel turns to Albus. "But I'm sure you know that, Al. You know more than anyone else, how unpredictable life is." She pauses. "It's just, it's great one moment. and miserable the next. People come, and people go. You fall in love, you lose… it's…" Rachel's breath hitches, and Albus sees tears in her eyes. But she wipes them away and smiles again.

"I'd just like to know that no matter what happens," she says, "whether I'm happy or sad - no matter how life treats me, one thing will never change. When I wake up from my nightmares, I'll still be able to see the Morning Star, and I'll know not to change. To be myself. To keep my friends and family close… and just carry on. I'll know that whatever is wrong, it will be right eventually." Rachel stops talking as she observes the planet, and Albus watches the awe in her eyes, falling even more in love in her. 

"Earth to Al?" Rose says suddenly, and Albus looks at her, swallowing the tightness in his chest. He clears his throat.

"Yeah. What were you saying?"

"I said," she replies, mildly amused by his absent mindedness, "we need a suspects list."

* * *

Liane is more than happy to have Rose stay over for a few days. She still doesn't know about the secret investigation, and whenever she is away at work, Rose and Albus put their heads together to work on the case. Rose takes a few days' leave from her job, and she and Albus try to make a suspect list, which rapidly becomes almost impossible because really, they don't even know much about the people who Flynn and Burkins were close to, and asking too many questions will look strange.

When the answer hits them, though, they're embarrassed at themselves for not thinking of it before. Under normal circumstances, for the Muggles, this is an impossible case, but this is so ridiculously obvious in the wizarding world that Albus wonders how it took him so long to figure it out.

There is only one person who knows about the money apart from Albus and Rose who is alive - the accountant, Harrison. And there's a single explanation of how he did it: he's a wizard. Rose pulls a favour from the Ministry of Magic and informs Albus that Harrison indeed is a wizard, who was imprisoned in Azkaban for several years after trying to commit a robbery at Gringotts. He was just released from prison two years ago.

Harrison doesn't own an animal, so the simplest explanation for the attacks is gone. Rose searches the Ministry for information on Animagi, and unsurprisingly, Harrison isn't registered there either. However, by that time, Albus is positive that Harrison is an Animagus. It just needs to be proven. Also, Albus needs to work out what kind of an animal Harrison can turn into. It's obviously something fierce, because the claw marks on all the victims were vicious. Albus settles on some kind of a vicious feline - like a panther or a leopard.

Albus and Rose work on another plan. They need to expose Harrison in a way that he is caught unawares. They also need to prove that he committed murders that took place over a year ago. They know it's not going to be easy. But Albus owes it to Rachel. He knows he needs to do this.

In the end, Albus runs out of ideas and decides to tell his father. Harry, being Head Auror, can double as Muggle police and issue search warrants and investigate Muggle cases if he has to. So Albus Floos his father one day, catching him while he's at work.

"Hey, Dad," he says, once he can see Harry over the Floo connection, "how're you doing?"

Harry's face brightens on the other side. "I'm fine, Al. You?"

Albus hesitates. "I'm… I'm okay."

A frown forms on Harry's face. "What happened?"

Albus bites his lip. "Dad… I need your help," he pauses, "there's kinda… there's something weird going on around here. Last year, there were a few deaths… and I'm pretty sure they're murders. I can't prove this, though. Will you help me?"

Harry clasps his hands together. "Tell me."

Albus tells the entire story and his suspicions to Harry, and given Harrison's history, Harry agrees to take a look. The rest of it is prompt. Harry questions Tim Harrison about the company and asks to see the bank vault. There is obviously no money there, which leads to Harry investigating all of Harrison's moves since the day of the murder, via a tracking system at the Ministry. He is proven to have been at the bank and to have cast a charm at the vault too. Harrison is proven to have taken the money.

Next, Harry acquires a warrant for a special potion which, when administered to Animagi, can force them to change into their animal form. Since Harrison is under arrest, he has to take the potion, and Albus's heart skips a beat when from outside the investigation room, he watches Harrison transform into a leopard. He is so angry at that moment, to see Harrison like that, that it takes him all his strength not to go and cast a Killing Curse on the ruthless leopard staring at him from behind glass walls.

However, what has to be proven has been proven, and with that, Harrison lands in Azkaban again, for life this time. Albus hopes that the Dementors will haunt him forever - that Harrison will die the most morbid death possible. He hopes for all the sadness and agony that Harrison can possibly get. If there is a hell, Albus wants Harrison to land there and burn for all eternity.

That is when Albus realises how uncomforting revenge is. It seems like it will solve the problem, but it really doesn't. Rachel is dead and she's not going to come back, no matter how hard Harrison suffers for his doing.

* * *

"Congratulations, son," Harry tells Albus, once the killer is taken to Azkaban. "This was brilliant." It's a bright day, unlike the corners of Albus's mind, which are teaming with grey. Liane is standing beside him, smiling proudly, and she is not angry that Albus did not tell her. Albus realises then that he really missed Liane being so understanding. It's good to have her back.

Albus stares into his father's eyes and shrugs. "I just reckoned it wasn't normal for all of them to die like that." He licks his lips. "How's Mum?"

"Missing you." Harry grins. "She says it's been too long."

"You came over last month," Albus replies, chuckling. "Anyway, Liane and I will come home for a few days."

Harry's eyes widen in happiness and Albus knows that his mother wasn't the only person who was missing him. He'd kept regular contact with his parents after the accident but the prospect of meeting them now, after everything, just feels different. He shrugs. "I know you miss me too, Dad. Yeah, I'll come. I miss you and Mum as well."

Harry looks sheepish. "Yeah, well, come soon, so Ginny will make us some of that treacle tart. She doesn't make it all that often these days." He purses his lips. "Tell me something, though," he says, "and answer me honestly."

"What?" Albus asks him. He hates being asked to answer honestly - he always feels nervous about having done something wrong.

Harry looks straight into Albus's eyes. "That Rachel girl…" he begins, but he hesitates and shakes his head. "Nothing… it's nothing."

Albus thinks he knows what his father was about to ask, and he doesn't push Harry. He just nods. Rose enters Harry's office then and smiles at them both.

"What's going on?" she asks.

"I'm asking Al to come home, so I can have some treacle tart," Harry replies. "Ginny doesn't make it anymore. She's always saying that she'll wait for Albus to come home, and I can't have my favourite dessert anymore."

"Oh, but you at least get desserts, Uncle Harry. It's actually worse for Dad right now," Rose pipes up, chuckling. "Mum's pretty sure he's heading towards this Muggle disease - diabetes. She's not making him dessert anymore."

"Yeah, I know," Harry replies. "Your dad comes around to our place for dessert. His permanent dialogue is 'don't tell Hermione'."

Rose giggles. "The number of things Dad _thinks_ Mum doesn't know about him…"

It's true, Albus thinks as he smiles. He wonders what will happen when Aunt Hermione decides to let Uncle Ron know that she isn't as oblivious as he thinks. Harry and Rose already know what Albus felt for Rachel, but Albus wonders if Liane was oblivious to it. He hopes she was, still is, and remains this way, because he wants to start afresh. He doesn't want to lose Liane again.

He feels like an arse for thinking that.

* * *

In the weeks after Harrison's imprisonment, Albus feels oddly numb. He doesn't know what to do with himself, or with his grief for Rachel. He just goes about the motions, like a machine. He visits his parents, grandparents, cousins and friends and pretends to laugh and joke when he really can't. The only thing that makes everything marginally better, though, is Liane.

He is sure that she really doesn't know about his feelings for Rachel because she would have been angry if she did. He is thankful she doesn't know.

Albus copes, lives and grows. He understands his grief, his feelings for Liane, and the importance of keeping his friends close. The wound left behind by Rachel's death is now scar tissue - faded, but still there. Still solid. Albus is okay with that. He reaches acceptance after going through all the stages: denial, anger, depression and bargaining. They were all about the same, blending in with each other, but acceptance is different. It's much better than the rest.

However, acceptance isn't as good as closure, which doesn't come for a long time.

**~o~**

Albus is sitting in the yard when he hears the large door behind him open. He turns around. Liane stands there, leaning against the doorframe and clutching her robe to herself. She smiles. "Up so early?"

Albus glances at the dark sky above him and looks back at his wife. "Wanted to see something."

She takes a step forward, shuts the door behind her, and makes her way to him. His wheelchair sits two steps away from him as he lounges on the grass. He can move that much - it's not a problem. He just can't walk. Or have sex. He's okay with that now, though. He's used to it. And it's bearable without the additional effect of those potions.

Liane lowers herself on the grass next to Albus. He puts an arm around her and pulls her close, feeling her shiver slightly in the cool, night air. The expanse of darkness around them is vast, killed only by the light at the porch. The first crepuscular moths appear, only to flutter about helplessly, circling the porch bulb in spirals, and Liane inches closer to Albus. He grins as he lets her rest her head on his shoulder. "Out of all the things you could be scared of, it had to be moths," he tells her.

"Hate them," she mutters.

He sniggers and turns his gaze back to the sky.

"What are you looking for?" Liane whispers, her breath soft and warm in Albus's ear. He can feel the goosebumps on her arm and he rubs it to warm her a little. She watches him and waits for a reply.

He takes his time before talking. "Morning Star."

_"The Morning Star. You know, Al, I really love looking at it."_

"I love looking at it," Albus continues, as Liane frowns at his revelation.

"Venus?"

"Yep."

Liane raises her eyes skywards and watches along with Albus, the frown still intact. But then she exhales and speaks breathily. "Wow."

_"It's - i-i-iiiiit is beauuuu-b-b-beautifuuuul."_

It's like that evening all over again. Albus can see Rachel standing a few steps away, smiling up at the sky, happy in so many ways, and he almost doesn't breathe. She turns to him, still smiling as she comes over and sits down beside him and Liane, bringing her knees to her chest and hugging them.

_"Know why I like it?"_

"Why do you like it so much?" Liane asks Albus. "Any specific reason?"

Rachel laughs beside him. It's a beautiful laugh, soft and clear, and he clings to the sound of her voice. _"It's the brightest planet in the sky,"_ she says. _"You can see it first thing at dawn, and first thing at dusk. It's always there - so constant, so bright and so… unlike life, you know?"_

"It's like this… beacon," Albus says to Liane. "It's the brightest planet, you know that?"

"Yeah."

"And it's also the most constant thing up there - the only celestial body that is so unchanging in all that darkness. Even the moon waxes and wanes. But the Morning Star - you'll always find it. And while life is so unstable, this is exactly the opposite.

"Life is…" Albus continues, as Rachel narrates with him, _"Life is just… it's great one moment… and miserable the next. People come, and people go. You fall in love, you lose… it's…"_ Rachel trails away, sitting there, watching him, as Albus speaks on, "I'd just like to know that no matter what happens, whether I'm happy or sad - no matter how life treats me, one thing will never change. When I wake up from my nightmares, I'll still be able to see the morning star, and I'll know not to change. To be myself. To keep my friends and family close… and just carry on. I'll know that whatever is wrong, it will be right eventually."

Liane has tears in her eyes when Albus finishes and he looks away from the sky, those moments with Rachel playing clearly in his mind. He doesn't remember too much from the days when he was on the potions, but he can never forget this. This is what changed a lot of things for him. This was when he realised he could never stop loving Rachel. And now, he watches Rachel cross her arms and nod at him.

Slowly, Albus thumbs the tears off Liane's cheeks, pressing his lips to the salty dampness as he kisses her. She sniffs and turns around to peck his lips. "I'm sorry," she whispers, between kisses as her lips meet his again and again. More tears stream down her face and her chin trembles. "I'm sorry," she repeats. "I love you."

Albus cups her face and pulls her into a hug. "I'm sorry too," he says. Rachel stands up and backs away, into the porch. Albus breathes in deep, smells the peaches and smiles. He feels something lift off his shoulder as he shuts his eyes, and every breath is Rachel. She is in him, she is outside him and she is his heart and soul. He can see her, feel her, hear her all around, until she fades, until she's not there anymore. Until it's Liane and only Liane - the warm weight in his arms that is so real and solid. And constant. Like the Morning Star.

"I love you," he says to Liane, and hugs her tighter, entangling his fingers in her blonde hair. When he opens his eyes, Rachel is gone.

Rachel never comes back after that. She remains a memory, but Albus doesn't see her like he saw her in the porch. She is truly gone, and Albus doesn't feel like he can't breathe without her anymore. He remains fond of her - just without the desperate need to have her back. He learns to cope and understands what this means. It's closure. And this is liberating. Much more liberating than vengeance.

Albus accepts the closure as it comes. He learns to let go of what has to go, but in the meantime, to hold on to the things that are important. He learns the importance of grief, of love, of acceptance. He understands why change is needed. He holds on to the lessons that he learned from Rachel's arrival, and then her departure from his life. He never forgets what she meant to him. He never forgets her. But he lives his life with Liane just like Rachel had wanted him to and he knows that if Rachel is watching him from somewhere, she will have a smile on her face. And that is enough to make him smile too.

**The End**

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

And... that's that. :D If you liked it, I'd like to know. If you didn't, I'd like to know what could have been better. Do leave a review, if you have a moment!

And hopefully, see you guys next year with another story. :) I'll continue to update my WIP, though, as I get time. :) Thank you!


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